Let's talk for a minute about the Amygdala and something known to psychiatrists as "Amygdala Hijacking". The Amygdala is a small, almond shaped section of the brain that is responsible for a lot for it's small size. There are two Amygdalae--one for each side of the brain. This little part of the brain is responsible for processing our fears, our memories and our fight or flight response. This part of the brain can be "Hijacked" by things that either remind us of an earlier experience as well as the perception of emotions and our fears. Some of those fears can be triggered by a traumatic event, a difficult childhood or a misaligned chemical in the brain. Therefore it can overreact to things even as seemingly mundane as meeting new people, going to the grocery store, attending a social event or dealing with conflict or heavy emotional events such as fight with friends, a sick family member or friend, going to work, even in some cases just going outside.
My Amygdala has recently decided noise is the enemy. When I was younger I lived in Chicago for 7 years before I moved here. I lived in the suburbs but still it was an endless land of honking horns, sirens, Fudruckers and Dave and Busters. The noise was almost constant and it became a background I could drown out.
However in the last couple of years I have developed an almost fanatic aversion to noise. In town, even one as relatively small as Bloomington, there is still this almost constant noise----buses with squealing brakes, small squalling children, sirens and all manner of chaos. I have developed now such a low tolerance for noise that it triggers that flight or fight response in me. It overwhelms my senses, gives me too much to process at one time and, in the case of very loud noises, can actually physically hurt my ears. I have now such a low tolerance for noise that it can drive me home when I actually need to be out doing things--shopping is difficult for me because the noise in the big box stores, the grocery store or the mall can make me feel the overwhelming need for escape. My ears quite literally can't take it.
So some days I feel surrounded by so much noise and activity around me I experience Amygdala hijacking where the fear center takes over the part of the mind that is devoted to calm rational thinking. That is why I literally NEED to trail run or hike or even just clear some quiet space in the library or out even just sitting in the woods. The woods, with their quiet bit of breeze, a few bird calls, the crunch of my feet on leaves, the smell of growth around me is my only choice. I need to get out of the cacophony of noise. I have walked into the Dunn woods on campus to find a space where I can be the noise and bustle can be drowned out or lessened for a bit.
Some days I may post or tell someone that the world it too noisy for me I mean that literally. I have a low threshold for it. Yet there is really no way except escape into nature or solitude at home to actually be noise free.
So this may be a symptom of my chemical imbalance or perhaps just getting older and needing more quiet time to think straight.
There are some things that we can do something about: learn to talk to strangers by practicing doing so; learn the grocery store isn't a dragon to slay; by learning the art of mindfulness. Learning mindfulness has been essential for me. When I am too overwhelmed by all of it I can go into myself for a bit. I can find some space to take deep breaths, to distract the distressing thoughts and feelings through meaningful activity or prayer.
I am glad I am a trail runner. I am happy I now after many years have the option of trail running. It takes that noise away for a little while. It reduces my anxiety, lets my ears have a much-needed rest and can help clear my mind. Sometimes you don't know how much you need something until you really, really need it.
